Clearly, I have a chemical imbalance. Yes, it's that time of the month. But still. CJ wanted to watch a movie last night so we PPV'd "P.S. I love you". I'm trying to hold back the tears and finally about 30 minutes into the movie I burst out and say, "this movie is terrible! It's not cute or sweet or loving or anything. To lose the love of your life is every woman's worst nightmare! Why am I watching this?!" CJ immediately gets up, comes over to me, holds me for like 5 minutes telling me it's OK, and tries to calm me. It didn't really work. I was in constant tears for the rest of the movie and for like 30 minutes after!!
For those of you who have not seen or don't know what it's about this woman's husband dies and he has this elaborate scheme preplanned to help her move on with her life and sends her letters and other stuff everyday for a year.
Still this morning it's not a loving feeling that I'm getting. My hormone imbalance I'm sure is adding to my feelings, but I just want to curl up in the corner and cry. I would hope that if something ever happened to CJ that I would have what it took to pull me and the kids through it, but right now I think someone else would have to take the kids and I would be in a mental institution completely unable to function. I'm sure it's not healthy to think you just absolutely could not live without someone else, but that's what I think today. I'm pretty sure that a broken heart physically cannot kill you, but for me it would come close. I love CJ more than I could ever express and I cannot even let the possibility of losing him enter my mind or I shall cry again. I do not like to think about our own mortality. I know - God's will, better place, yadda yadda. Today I cannot give it to Him.
Who would make such a sucky movie and do this to me!!!!!!!
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5 comments:
That's why I'm not watching that movie... I had a similar experience with another movie that the previews were misleading and I was hysterical. For weeks. I may cry just thinking about it. It was something about a "walk". A Walk to Remember.... something like that. I can totally relate. Otis is gone this week and I am not sure I'm going to make it until Friday. I'm there with you.
I'm so sorry that movie did that to you. I'm very confident you will never have to live without CJ.
P.S. Yes a broken heart does come darn near close to killing you. You my dear will never know that pain though!! I love you!!
I'm with you! I love bubba more than words can express. the movie did the same thing to me. :) steff
I never did understand why they made a movie about that. Thanks for the warning.
Oh Staci...I am crying just reading your blog. Eight years ago I would have found it hard to love someone so much that I wouldn't want to live, but now I get it. The only way I would survive John's death is that I have two beautiful kids that we made in love!
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